Operation Purity has been aborted
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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