I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
