I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
