at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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