Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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