I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
