I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
