I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
