my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
