DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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