i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
