Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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