oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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