It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize