NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
