one two three fourrrrnication!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
