I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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