Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the liver wants what the liver wants
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
