I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
