all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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