why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
