I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
