She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
