New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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