I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
