oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
