The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
