they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize