Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
