just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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