but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
