just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
