now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
