The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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