wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
