i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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