he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
