this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
