The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
