My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
