Are we in a gay sports bar?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize