The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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