apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
