The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
