Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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