so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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