i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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