I wish I only lived at night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
