And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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