Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
