uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
