She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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