girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
