If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
