doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
