why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
