I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Let's paint friendship bongs
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
