Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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