honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
