everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
