It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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