Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
