I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
