If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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