It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
