We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
