We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
