Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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