I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
