I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my shit smells like andre
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
