apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
