Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
