i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
