But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
