I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
