I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i've created a new STD.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
