Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
