sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
