I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
