dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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