how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
