i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
