I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the condom got lost in my hair
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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