I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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