How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
