My cat gives me a boner
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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