We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
